Reegan – Phantasmagoria

It’s like a carousel

The over thinking, and over analyzing

Like horses spinning helplessly around

In their glazed paint paralysis

And the ride operator

Well he isn’t going to do squat

I’m stuck on one of these stupid horses

Waving frenetically at the booth

(I try to be polite despite the burgeoning panic)

But he’s stoned out of his mind

All he see’s is a mirage

(And the levers probably jammed anyways)

Now you  might be thinking

(Just get off the horse)

There practically galloping in a mid-waltz

How hard can it be

Just be brave

(It’s only the unabashedly fiery people who say this)

Well I guess I forgot to mention

By now my hands are chained to horse’s rusted pole

(A sacrifice to be presented)

Because overthinking

Is a cancerous growth

In which not others hold you captive

But you lock with the key yourself

And I’m not Houdini

(Did I mention I also swallowed the key)

I’m not opposed to asking for help

So I turn to the horses

Make eye contact with those empty eyed sockets

Staring at some boundless destination

(They have to deal with this nauseousness all the time)

So I’m sure they can empathize

And I don’t mean for the words to spill out like some glorified vomit

But they do

Ok here me out: What if I fail at the only thing I ever cared about, and I’m already aching for something comfortable and disgracefully safe so I start to slip into a stasis of doing things I hate because the worlds not going to pick and choose who it slows down for and I gotta fit into the cogs whether I want to or not so I guess I’ll just suffocate over vibrantly fabricated possibilities until I’m old. A kind of sadistic torture if you will.

It’s a little awkward asking this

Because the horse nearest to me

Looks like it’s in the throes of an agonized Shakespearean line

Staring vacantly ahead, cavernous mouth twisted in a faux whinny, pink gums peeling

(Well he’s clearly got his own issues)

And just like gazing over the metallic sheet of the sea

I realize I’m alone

But just wait it gets worse!

I’ve managed to set the carousel ablaze

(With sparks  of self loathing I hand picked)

To sting my eyes

The conflagration licking at the furnished abominations around me

I orchestrated to burn my own flesh

(Like melting candle wax)

But have you ever seen fire?

The way it writhes and leaps

From surface to surface

(It’s the most ecstatic of creatures)

So you should at least give me some credit

Some people paint masterpieces

Some preform them

I’m versed in the art of self sabotage

(Hey we all gotta be good at something)

Don’t worry though

I’ll be free when this carousel burns to the ground

And it’ll be alright

For awhile

I’ll claw my way of the hellish rubble

(Of horses melted together in twisted unison)

Ashes dancing across my face

I’ll wait patiently for new wooded planks to be secured

I’ll watch the fresh paint dry on the horses

And then even though my minds asking/pleading

(Seriously do you really wanna do this again)

I seem to materialize near the booth

Hands outstretched

“One ticket please”